cut the crap.

yesterday night i skyped with a person that has shaped my life in a very special and intense way.

 i havent seen her in  a long time- over 10 years- but still she is very special to me, she is one of the people i truly,truly love. we alway kept in touch though over the past months our contact fell asleep a bit and we would only hear from eachother occasionaly and then only very briefly. like yesterday, where we both were on skype at the same time. turns out, she had a really bad accident and has all sorts of serious healthproblems to deal with now- from not beeing able to walk normal, to having problems with speaking, memory issues and loss of spacial awareness. not only that this hit me like a rock straight into my stomach, i was truly shocked. still i start shaking now, writing about it. and it is not only the fact that  a person i love was in extreme pain and still is -well, yes- handicaped(at least for now, it will probably pass one day), it is also the fact that life is so fucking unpredictible and things happen. and they happen all the time.it is scary and yesterday i could really feel how much. so just to remind myself and all the winers&complainers out there- let`s cut the crap.

 let´s focus more on what we have and enjoy. let´s focus on the beauty of the here and now and not so much on the struggle. so many of us- including myself- are so caught up in topics like career, money, surivance and issues concerning needs and wishes, constantly striving for something and never beeing satisfied. anyhow, this talk yesterday made me realize ones more that the only thing we truly have is the moment and we should work on beeing in it much more. just the here and the now, everythingelse is speculative and somewhat pointless. 

i hope she will be better. if you happen to read this baby- sending you kisses!